btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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