Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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