There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
