Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
