She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
