i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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