How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
