I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
