I didn't shave. On purpose
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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