I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
