The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
