Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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