we have officially lost it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We named our party play list daddy issues
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
