You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
