i would punch a child for taco bell
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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