You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
