Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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