Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
