My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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