My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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