We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
