I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
