plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
