I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
