dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
