Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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