Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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