Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
