i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Panties = found
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
