If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
