Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
