I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
