filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
