How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
