Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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