That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
