i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
