Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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