Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
