I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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