i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
