So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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