I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
