You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
