i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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