So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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