I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
