So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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