No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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