I feel like I'm in dance class right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
